Elizabeth
asks this question when Mary comes to her to share her news from the angel
Gabriel. “Why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?”
As
a mother, I ask myself this question every day: Why am I so favored? I have
always wanted to be a mother. As a little girl, dolls were my toys of choice- I
carried “my baby” with me everywhere from the time I could walk. I rocked my
babies and fed my babies and changed my babies. I looked forward to nothing
more than becoming a mom and having a baby of my own someday. As soon as I was
old enough I started babysitting. Pretty soon, I was padding my teenage piggy
bank with money from regular babysitting jobs. I loved caring for children…even
when Legos were tossed, feet were stomped, arms were crossed, and that
nauseating purple dinosaur bleated a constant chorus in the background.
When
I reached adulthood, met my love, and got married, becoming a mother became
more of a reality. A couple of married years passed, and we decided to expand
our family. And we planned. I read books… and blogs (probably too many
blogs)…and took vitamins…and visited the doctor…and prayed. And I wondered…will
I be so favored? Our journey into parenthood began on a Tuesday morning when
two pink lines literally changed our lives forever. We were going to have a
baby. I was going to become a mother.
Mary
didn’t have two pink lines to tell her she was going to have a baby. She and
Joseph didn’t wait anxiously for 3 full minutes to know what the future held.
She didn’t call Elizabeth the morning she woke up feeling just a little bit
sick, wondering, “could it be?” No…Mary’s life changed forever when an angel
came to her and told her she would soon carry a baby boy who would grow up to
become the Savior of our world. She had found favor with God, and He entrusted
her to carry and give birth to “the Son of the Most High,” the Lord whose
“kingdom will never end.” Why was she so favored?
Last
Christmas I was carrying a baby boy. I didn’t know he was a boy, but I felt the
kicks and turns and flutters of a baby growing inside me, and I felt like being
pregnant at such a holy time was so special. I knew he wasn’t the savior of our
world, but I knew he was someone special and would bring blessings to not only
Chris and me but to so many around us. I could never have imagined or planned
for the bouncing, joyful, wondrous gift that Colin is to us. Born just 3 days
shy of Easter (due to be born on Good Friday), he is, in many ways, our own
little savior- a wonderful reminder of the gift of new life, innocence, and
love.
I
wonder how Mary felt carrying Jesus in her belly. Did she have any idea of the
gift she was bearing to the world? Did she worry? Was she afraid? Did she
wonder how she was going to do it- mother our Lord and Savior? Did she have her
doubts? Did she wonder about the future? Or was that too much for her to bear?
Did she question whether or not this was truly a blessing? I don’t know Mary’s
thoughts throughout her pregnancy, but I do know that upon reflecting on the
news, she rejoiced: “My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God
my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant…holy is
his name.”
The
morning I learned of our news, I didn’t immediately rejoice. I was terrified.
No book or blog had prepared me for that moment when I knew I would be bringing
a child into this world- a child Chris and I would be responsible for raising
to become an upstanding human being. At least Mary knew she was getting a
pretty good kid- he was the savior after all. I, quite frankly, had no idea.
Was I ready for this? No, I wasn’t ready. We weren’t ready. That is why 9
months separated us from the 2 pink lines and the incredible moment when the
doctor lifted up our son and said “It’s a boy!” Like Mary, despite my initial
fear, I did feel blessed to have been called to such a magnificent task as
parenting. I may not have carried a Savior but I see parenting as magnificent
gift and opportunity. Chris emailed me a poem from an on-line devotional one
day called the Art of Parenting. The words of this poem reassured me that as
parents, we were going to be ok. It even prompted me to write a letter to our
unborn child.
A Letter to Colin (written before he was born)
Parenting
as Art by: Gordon Atkinson
you
do your best you do what seems right in your gut
often
maybe even mostly you dont know why you do what you do
and
somehow in the delightful mix of your sin and your sorrow and your joy the two
of you bringing your best and
your worst to this
a
unique and lovely human forms and comes into being
carrying
your sins and your virtues often magnified and being broken and human and
wonderful like you
Dear
Little One,
Daddy
sent me this yesterday while I spent another day on bed rest with you. I love
the words of this poem. And I have been thinking a lot lately not just about
parenting as an art but about parenting as a calling. Your dad and I are broken
and so very human…and together in our love for one another, we chose to bring
another broken, human, and yet so wonderful being into this world. We are not
perfect. You are not perfect. But you were made perfectly. And we were made
perfectly. God made us perfectly. Our very humanness, though, takes the
perfectly created creations that we are and renders us imperfect beings.
What
I like about this poem is that it reminds me that our best and our worst are
coming together to make something so wonderful. You are already so wonderful. A
mixture of what makes us as your parents both wonderful and not so wonderful at
the same time. The mix of sin, sorrow and joy is described as a “delightful
mix.” It takes all of that to create an amazing life together. It isn’t all
perfect. We make our mistakes. There are traits we wish we didn’t posses,
actions we wish we had never taken, words we wish we had never spoken. All of
these things are part of the delightful mix that is our life.
Parenting
is a calling because it pushes us outside of our limits, our self-created boxes
and walls, and asks us to give of ourselves in a way that is bigger and heavier
and more grace-filled than anything else we could give our lives to. Before we
got pregnant with you, I knew that being a mother was a calling for me…or at
least I wanted it to be my calling. I knew it was a calling because while it
delighted me in my innermost being, it also terrified me to the core. I knew it
was not something I could do, or that we could do, without God’s help and
blessing. The only way two imperfect people can take on the monumental task of
parenting is to rely on God’s infinite wisdom.
Our
commitment to you, little one, is to continue to follow this calling as we
would with any other. This is not a task we take lightly. We cannot promise we
will be perfect in this endeavor. But we will commit to calling on God’s
support and wisdom…which will itself come in so many forms through friends and
family and experiences…to raise you in the best possible home with a palpable
love that you will never have to question.
Love, Momma
This
letter was one way I prepared for our son’s birth- it was an opportunity for me
to reflect on who I would be as a mother…who we would be as parents. I don’t
know how Mary prepared for her son’s arrival. I don’t know if she talked
Joseph’s ear off or spent time alone thinking about what the future would hold.
I do imagine that she was a reflective individual. The Bible tells us that
after Jesus’ birth, the shepherds spread the word of his coming and all “who
heard it were amazed.” But Mary responded by “treasur[ing] up all these things
and ponder[ing] them in her heart.”
As
a working mother I have a hard time just “pondering” and treasuring up this
special time- I forget to just breathe and be ok sitting amidst the unvaccumed
carpets and the dust settling in the corners of my home. I want to constantly
move and go and clean and organize. But I want to be more like Mary. And, I see
Advent as the perfect time to do this. Advent is the time for us to remember
that each of us here are favored. We are all favored- because we are loved
beyond any human capacity by our God.
During
this Advent season, let us reflect on this favor we have received despite our
sinful natures. Let us open our hearts as Mary did during this time of
preparation and waiting. In the midst of our own self-doubt; the mistakes we
inevitably make as parents, caregivers, children, and friends; the chaos of our
ambitious lives- Let us slow down and remember that none of us deserves the
favor that has been afforded us through the gift of Jesus Christ and yet it has
been gifted to each of us. Let us open our hearts to this favor and rejoice as
Mary did- for the Mighty One has done great things for us… and Holy is his
name.
