.fearless.

"Fearless"-(n), Oblivious of dangers or perils or calmly resolute in facing them; bold or brave

Each year, Girls on the Run girls are asked to write an essay about how Girls on the Run has made them fearless. I have been thinking a lot about this one word recently because that is not a word I would normally ever use to describe myself. I would describe myself as the exact opposite--in short, "I'm chicken." I'm terrified of heights, the site of roller coasters makes me want to vomit, and any moment I feel like I am not "in control," I freak out.

But last week, I let myself climb out of that shell a bit, and I was proud of myself for it. Every summer my husband and I head to the lake on vacation, and every year I say I am going to jet out on the water skis, and every year I chicken out. The thought of being pulled along behind a boat over which I have absolutely no control has always scared me. Not to mention the fact that attempting to pull my entire body and up and out of the water seemed no small feat.

But this year, I tried it. And this year, I went beyond that and tried out the knee board. No longer content staying "in the boat," I stepped out of the boat (figuratively and literally) and tried something new. Sure, I wiped out quite a few times. I ingested more lake water than a human being should. And, I have a big fat bruise to show for all of it...but, the lesson here is that I did it. And I loved it! I felt fearless.

On my morning run, as I was recounting memories of last week, I began thinking about the Girls on the Run essays and all the ways I am fearless.

I am fearless when I...

1. Try a new sport, no matter how awful I think I'll be at it
2. Follow through with my morning run, even when the sun isn't up and it's already 80 degrees
3. Add an extra rest day to my training schedule, without feeling guilty, because it's what my body tells me to do
4. Know that I've overscheduled myself and have the wisdom to say "no"
5. Order a side of fruit with my sandwich rather than french fries
6. ...and when I indulge in a side of fries without feeling guilty :)
7. Speak up and share my opinion, especially when I know it isn't the most popular
8. Ask that "stupid" question
9. Leave the house without makeup
10. Decide to train for a triathlon...even when I dread swimming laps
11. Apply to graduate school 600 miles from home
12. Listen to my gut
13. Head out for a run without my ipod and let the scenery move me
14. Am spontaneous (doesn't happen too often!)
15. Am me

Sometimes, that last one is so hard--to just be me--not to be the me I want others to think that I am or the me others think I should be. Like the song says, "I'm clueless and I'm clumsy, but I've got friends that love me...It's all a part of me. That's who I am." When I recognize and embrace my inner clumsyness--and am able to say, with confidence, "That's me. That's who I am," then that's when I am fearless.

We all have inhibitions that hold us back, keep us from living fearlessly. For some of us, those inhibitions are almost paralyzing. It's when we can embrace the fact that we aren't perfect, let go of the anxieties that keep us from moving forward, and learn to love ourselves for who we are, that we can truly let go of all fear. And with that fearlessness comes freedom--Freedom to try new things. Freedom to have fun! Freedom to share our opinions. Freedom to love ourselves. Freedom to love others.

Freedom...to just...be.

So, think about it. When are you fearless?

Happy trails! :)