I did it.
I just ran my first triathlon.
Now, I am prone to second guessing myself after races. What if I hadn't gone out so fast on the swim? What if my goggles hadn't fogged up? What if I had been better prepared for the hills?
What if...
But all the "what ifs" only discount the "actually happeneds." What actually happened is that I competed in my first every multi-sport event. What happened is for the first time I swam 500 meters without stopping. What happened is I biked 10 miles with a purpose. What happened is that even when I felt like walking, I kept running. What happened is that I finished...and I actually feel great.
The morning was full of anxiety and lots of energy and excitement. As an all women event, it was awesome to be among so many motivated women--and to see so many shapes and sizes out there competing not against one another (well, some were), but against (and for) their very selves. So many women feeling strong enough and confident enough to wear swimsuits in front of one another with no makeup and not caring how their hair looked bulging under their swim caps--that's an amazing and inspiring picture.
I love events like this not just for the sport but for the energy and spirit of it all. This is why I run. This is why I bike. This is why I swim. There's a journey in all of this--these sports aren't just a way to stay in shape or earn a finisher's medal--they're a way to connect, to feel empowered, to build confidence, to feel strong. In a world where so many mixed messages about what it means to be strong and beautiful bombard us, especially women and girls, it's events like these that remind me that those messages are only as potent as we allow them to be.
I did it. I swam. I biked. I ran.
And now... I'm ready for some chocolate chip pancakes... :)
8.28.2010
8.26.2010
.restless.
My first ever sprint triathlon is the day after tomorrow...and I am already thinking about what I want to train for next. Isn't that crazy? I mean, I should be thinking about the triathlon itself, wondering about the blue green algae level in the water or what I'll do if my bike breaks down or if I do something really stupid like forget my running shoes. But no, I'm not thinking about that. Well, I am...a little. But mostly I'm thinking about what comes next. Will it be another tri? Maybe a 5K or 10K. Maybe another half marathon. (No,still not thinking full marathon quite yet!).
This way of thinking is nothing new for me. In fact, this sense of "restlessness" as I call it, is a very real way of life for me. It seems just when those "moments" in life come (you know, the ones you are supposed to cherish?), I can't help but starting thinking about what's next. It's like I'm afraid that if I don't think about what's next, I'm going to miss it, or not be ready for it.
These last few months I have woken up at the crack of dawn to hit the pool or spinning class or the pavement for a run, and I am almost sad the tri is Saturday because I am already missing my training schedule. It was my routine. And now my routine is going to change. And that scares me.
So, suffice it to say, I feel anything but fearless right now. Yet, at the same time, I feel empowered. I feel excited. I know that I have put in the time and effort in my training and it will pay off. I know that Saturday will be filled with nerves and excitement and an emotional high that will last beyond that afternoon. I'm trying to focus on that right now--the end goal of all of this. Yet at the same time, my feelings right now remind me that this is what life is about--not just the goals, but the journeys that get us to them.
There are always new goals to set, new races to run, new scenery to enjoy. As my boss said this morning during a brainstorming meeting--"You can't learn something you already know." So...to keep learning, I have to shake up that oh so familiar routine. I have to choose a new race, find a new challenge, set a new PR. I have to take what I've learned in this amazing training process and apply it to something new, expand on it, and set a new goal. At the same time, though, I can't let that thinking take away from being "in the moment." I don't want to miss the spirit of this stop along the journey. What a shame that would be.
So for Saturday, my motto is going to be "just breathe." Just breathe and take it all in. I know it's going to be amazing.
This way of thinking is nothing new for me. In fact, this sense of "restlessness" as I call it, is a very real way of life for me. It seems just when those "moments" in life come (you know, the ones you are supposed to cherish?), I can't help but starting thinking about what's next. It's like I'm afraid that if I don't think about what's next, I'm going to miss it, or not be ready for it.
These last few months I have woken up at the crack of dawn to hit the pool or spinning class or the pavement for a run, and I am almost sad the tri is Saturday because I am already missing my training schedule. It was my routine. And now my routine is going to change. And that scares me.
So, suffice it to say, I feel anything but fearless right now. Yet, at the same time, I feel empowered. I feel excited. I know that I have put in the time and effort in my training and it will pay off. I know that Saturday will be filled with nerves and excitement and an emotional high that will last beyond that afternoon. I'm trying to focus on that right now--the end goal of all of this. Yet at the same time, my feelings right now remind me that this is what life is about--not just the goals, but the journeys that get us to them.
There are always new goals to set, new races to run, new scenery to enjoy. As my boss said this morning during a brainstorming meeting--"You can't learn something you already know." So...to keep learning, I have to shake up that oh so familiar routine. I have to choose a new race, find a new challenge, set a new PR. I have to take what I've learned in this amazing training process and apply it to something new, expand on it, and set a new goal. At the same time, though, I can't let that thinking take away from being "in the moment." I don't want to miss the spirit of this stop along the journey. What a shame that would be.
So for Saturday, my motto is going to be "just breathe." Just breathe and take it all in. I know it's going to be amazing.
8.11.2010
.fearless.
"Fearless"-(n), Oblivious of dangers or perils or calmly resolute in facing them; bold or brave
Each year, Girls on the Run girls are asked to write an essay about how Girls on the Run has made them fearless. I have been thinking a lot about this one word recently because that is not a word I would normally ever use to describe myself. I would describe myself as the exact opposite--in short, "I'm chicken." I'm terrified of heights, the site of roller coasters makes me want to vomit, and any moment I feel like I am not "in control," I freak out.
But last week, I let myself climb out of that shell a bit, and I was proud of myself for it. Every summer my husband and I head to the lake on vacation, and every year I say I am going to jet out on the water skis, and every year I chicken out. The thought of being pulled along behind a boat over which I have absolutely no control has always scared me. Not to mention the fact that attempting to pull my entire body and up and out of the water seemed no small feat.
But this year, I tried it. And this year, I went beyond that and tried out the knee board. No longer content staying "in the boat," I stepped out of the boat (figuratively and literally) and tried something new. Sure, I wiped out quite a few times. I ingested more lake water than a human being should. And, I have a big fat bruise to show for all of it...but, the lesson here is that I did it. And I loved it! I felt fearless.
On my morning run, as I was recounting memories of last week, I began thinking about the Girls on the Run essays and all the ways I am fearless.
I am fearless when I...
1. Try a new sport, no matter how awful I think I'll be at it
2. Follow through with my morning run, even when the sun isn't up and it's already 80 degrees
3. Add an extra rest day to my training schedule, without feeling guilty, because it's what my body tells me to do
4. Know that I've overscheduled myself and have the wisdom to say "no"
5. Order a side of fruit with my sandwich rather than french fries
6. ...and when I indulge in a side of fries without feeling guilty :)
7. Speak up and share my opinion, especially when I know it isn't the most popular
8. Ask that "stupid" question
9. Leave the house without makeup
10. Decide to train for a triathlon...even when I dread swimming laps
11. Apply to graduate school 600 miles from home
12. Listen to my gut
13. Head out for a run without my ipod and let the scenery move me
14. Am spontaneous (doesn't happen too often!)
15. Am me
Sometimes, that last one is so hard--to just be me--not to be the me I want others to think that I am or the me others think I should be. Like the song says, "I'm clueless and I'm clumsy, but I've got friends that love me...It's all a part of me. That's who I am." When I recognize and embrace my inner clumsyness--and am able to say, with confidence, "That's me. That's who I am," then that's when I am fearless.
We all have inhibitions that hold us back, keep us from living fearlessly. For some of us, those inhibitions are almost paralyzing. It's when we can embrace the fact that we aren't perfect, let go of the anxieties that keep us from moving forward, and learn to love ourselves for who we are, that we can truly let go of all fear. And with that fearlessness comes freedom--Freedom to try new things. Freedom to have fun! Freedom to share our opinions. Freedom to love ourselves. Freedom to love others.
Freedom...to just...be.
So, think about it. When are you fearless?
Happy trails! :)
Each year, Girls on the Run girls are asked to write an essay about how Girls on the Run has made them fearless. I have been thinking a lot about this one word recently because that is not a word I would normally ever use to describe myself. I would describe myself as the exact opposite--in short, "I'm chicken." I'm terrified of heights, the site of roller coasters makes me want to vomit, and any moment I feel like I am not "in control," I freak out.
But last week, I let myself climb out of that shell a bit, and I was proud of myself for it. Every summer my husband and I head to the lake on vacation, and every year I say I am going to jet out on the water skis, and every year I chicken out. The thought of being pulled along behind a boat over which I have absolutely no control has always scared me. Not to mention the fact that attempting to pull my entire body and up and out of the water seemed no small feat.
But this year, I tried it. And this year, I went beyond that and tried out the knee board. No longer content staying "in the boat," I stepped out of the boat (figuratively and literally) and tried something new. Sure, I wiped out quite a few times. I ingested more lake water than a human being should. And, I have a big fat bruise to show for all of it...but, the lesson here is that I did it. And I loved it! I felt fearless.
On my morning run, as I was recounting memories of last week, I began thinking about the Girls on the Run essays and all the ways I am fearless.
I am fearless when I...
1. Try a new sport, no matter how awful I think I'll be at it
2. Follow through with my morning run, even when the sun isn't up and it's already 80 degrees
3. Add an extra rest day to my training schedule, without feeling guilty, because it's what my body tells me to do
4. Know that I've overscheduled myself and have the wisdom to say "no"
5. Order a side of fruit with my sandwich rather than french fries
6. ...and when I indulge in a side of fries without feeling guilty :)
7. Speak up and share my opinion, especially when I know it isn't the most popular
8. Ask that "stupid" question
9. Leave the house without makeup
10. Decide to train for a triathlon...even when I dread swimming laps
11. Apply to graduate school 600 miles from home
12. Listen to my gut
13. Head out for a run without my ipod and let the scenery move me
14. Am spontaneous (doesn't happen too often!)
15. Am me
Sometimes, that last one is so hard--to just be me--not to be the me I want others to think that I am or the me others think I should be. Like the song says, "I'm clueless and I'm clumsy, but I've got friends that love me...It's all a part of me. That's who I am." When I recognize and embrace my inner clumsyness--and am able to say, with confidence, "That's me. That's who I am," then that's when I am fearless.
We all have inhibitions that hold us back, keep us from living fearlessly. For some of us, those inhibitions are almost paralyzing. It's when we can embrace the fact that we aren't perfect, let go of the anxieties that keep us from moving forward, and learn to love ourselves for who we are, that we can truly let go of all fear. And with that fearlessness comes freedom--Freedom to try new things. Freedom to have fun! Freedom to share our opinions. Freedom to love ourselves. Freedom to love others.
Freedom...to just...be.
So, think about it. When are you fearless?
Happy trails! :)
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