So, I have been thinking a lot lately about the life we are providing for Colin, the kind of parents we are, the kind of home in which we are raising him. It's a good life, an awesome life, an incredibly loving, warm, and nurturing life. And yet, I just put down the first half of the book The Science of Parenting, and my goodness, I wonder if it's been warm and nurturing enough! (I know, I know...calm down, you say).
But, gee, this entire "text" book written on baby and toddler brain development has me wondering if we have been as responsive to all of his cries has possible; have we picked him up enough? (I think so; I wore him a lot has a baby and even wear him some now...); has daycare scarred him?; was he held enough while he was there as an infant?; are his emotional needs being met each time I leave him there and trot off to work as though that is more important than time spent with him? (again, I know, calm down).
He is a bright, happy, inquisitive, active, funny little guy. I know that we are doing WONDERFULLY as his parents, and I feel that some of our parenting has honestly just come naturally to us. I know that when we see him upset or in distress, we run to him and hold him, not taking the time to think: "Are we spoiling him?" I know that despite what we have "heard" or even been told by his pediatrician that most nights of poor sleep and a crying baby, we have gone right to him, picked him up, held and rocked him, and even put him in our own bed to feel close to us while he slept (following all rules of sleep safety here...). I have had nights, though, now that he is older, where I have probably let him cry a little longer or even put him down before he is fully asleep just because the messages firing off in my brain are: "He'll never learn to sleep if you always coddle him this way..."
I am learning as a parent that I need to be more in tune with the intuitive side of me, to listen to how I feel rather than what the "books" or (blogs) or doctors say (disregard the fact that I am partially writing this in response to a book). As parents, we know our child. We know his temperament. We know screaming awake in the middle of the night is not normal. We know that a rock and cuddle before bed is what will calm him down and make him feel safe. We know that he likes being held, prefers it to sitting in the cart at the grocery store, and that's ok. We know that he likes to feel close to us, touching us, running his fingers through our hair. We know these things, so we respond accordingly. It doesn't matter that the "sleep trainers" tell us that rocking him to sleep will only make him dependent on motion to ever go to sleep for the rest of his life. Who cares if carrying him through a store rather than making him ride in a cart is "spoiling" him? Right now, as his parents, it is our responsibility to respond to the child we know, the emotions he emotes, and his very be-ing.
Throwing out the "rules" and responding to my child based on how it feels to respond to him feels a bit rebellious. I am a rules girl after all. But as I read that book last night, I was affirmed in our approach, in how we are responding, and even re-thinking those times in which I have leaned towards the "rules" rather than my own feelings as a mother.
Our baby needs us to respond, to hold him, to make him feel safe. This will not create a spoiled or coddled child. This will create a well-adjusted, trusting, and happy child.
