Before I get to this entry's title, can I just say that I LOVE being a mom?! I never realized how much I would love this part of life so much. For sure it is exhausting and frustrating and even annoying at times...but even after a morning of thrown food and sippy cups, crying because he wants to go outside but can't, and a meltdown because we put the puffs ON HIS TRAY when he would rather get them out of the container himself...I still LOVE being a mom!
Colin continues to fill our lives with such wonder, and I am amazed each day at what he is learning and developing. We were showing him a picture of a polar bear in his new Noisy Zoo book. I swear he immediately starting saying "br." You can ask him "where's the monkey?" when he has one on this shirt, and he'll point right to it. Of course, you can ask him that same question and now he just points to his shirt, even if it has a crab on it :) He points at everything and sometimes just says "dis?" which sounds to me like he may honestly be asking "what is this?" So, we tell him. At the lake this past week, he picked up his own version of the words "boat" "bird" and "duck" as we saw ALOT of those during the week.
Ah, life as a mom is so brutiful...("brutiful"- brutal and yet beautiful all at the same time).
When we are at the lake, one of my favorite things to do is take the jet ski out on the water. I prefer to do this in the early, early morning when the water is smooth as glass (and I mean this nearly literally...it is that smooth). It is so fun to pick up speed and just glide across the water. I usually avoid the late morning/afternoon rides because more boats are out and the water is choppier, which adds a level of anxiety for me as the jet ski bounces up and down making me feel like at any moment I could fly off.
But this year, early mornings were spent feeding and playing with an adorable 14 month old while the rest of the house slept. The only time I was able to go out, the choppiness had begun. But this year, that did not stop me. This year, I took a chance. I headed out into the choppiness, increased my speed, and just reveled in the bounces and water splashing in my face. And as I found myself purposely seeking out the choppier spots, just so I could rev up my speed and feel all the glorious bumps, I began to see a metaphor for life that I want to follow.
Bumping across the lake this particular late morning, I thought to myself: "Why do I always avoid this? What is the worst that could happen?" Most likely, the "worst" is being bumped off and swallowing a whole bunch of nasty lake water. So, really, is it that bad? So, I continued to seek out those bumps because it was invigorating and well worth the risk that came with it.
Those questions above are about more than just the bumps on the water. They are about the bumps and unknown of life in general. As one who has always avoided the bumps as much as possible, I am realizing that I may just have been missing out on some of the more invigorating bits of life. Those bumps can often lead to places of wonder and amazement that only come from those risks we are willing to take.
Out on the water that day, I thought about some of those things I have seen others do to which I often respond, "Oh, but I could never do that." The impromptu 3 day road trip to see Niagra Falls with friends; the decision to move to NYC with no job and no connections to live in a city that speaks to me no matter what kind of job I may find; the decision to pick up and move to a foreign country so that my child can have a multi-cultural, multi-coastal experience.
Now, some of the above certainly have risks that far outweigh the wonder that may come out of it, but not all of them do. And while I am not suggesting that Chris and I just pick up and move our family to Costa Rica, I am suggesting that we sometimes stop analyzing and just "do" in life.
So what does this all mean to me as a mother? Well, as a mother, I want Colin to understand and be willing to take risks (calculated risks, risks that wouldn't lead him directly into a path of danger). I want him to try new things without the fear that he will be no good at them. I want him to fall in love and be willing to express that that vulnerable love with his future life partner. I want him to reach out to the "new kid" at school when no one else will. I want him to try the choppy waters every once in a while rather than enjoying the safety net of the shore.
As a woman, mother and partner, I am well aware that giving my heart to someone in marriage and together creating another little heart for this world is highly risky...because there are choppy waters (disagreements, toddler tantrums), but they are choppy waters worth navigating. In my opinion, I would rather love too much than not all. I would rather feel frustrated and exhausted after an evening of toddler tantrums and thrown blocks than never parent at all. Because those choppy waters are worth it. A life full of bumps and risks is so rewarding because those bumps only last a short while (and, yes, will continue to show up again and again), and life can feel that much more amazing when the smooth waters return.
All of that to say, I love where life is taking us right now. I welcome the choppy waters and will revel in them when they come and then rejoice mightily when we find ourselves in between them.
No one is perfect. No life is perfect. The bumps will come and they will go. But let me just say that I am so thankful for this brutiful life that God has chosen for us to lead.
